Lost

On Friday we had our first OB appointment, with our favourite OB who delivered Hudson.
When it came time to do the scan I was extremely nervous. I guess I was nervous for a reason, perhaps I could sense what was to come.
It turns out our little baby had stopped growing a few weeks earlier and had no heart beat.
To say we were devastated is an understatement. I had to have a follow up scan an hour later at an actual scan clinic to confirm what we already knew.
Thankfully my OB was working at the  hospital the next day and had me booked in for surgery. It all went according to plan, and now I am just left feeling extremely down and waiting until the time is right to try again.
I know it was nothing we did (or didn't do), that these things happen and a large proportion of pregnancies end up miscarriage. But to be honest, it doesn't make it any easier.
I'm now on school holidays, so I am thankful that I am off work, but it is also really hard to keep my mind busy and distracted. Each day is dragging and I find my mind wandering back to last week/weekend and what could have been if I don't keep myself busy.
I feel very, very lost.
sigh.