Lost

On Friday we had our first OB appointment, with our favourite OB who delivered Hudson.
When it came time to do the scan I was extremely nervous. I guess I was nervous for a reason, perhaps I could sense what was to come.
It turns out our little baby had stopped growing a few weeks earlier and had no heart beat.
To say we were devastated is an understatement. I had to have a follow up scan an hour later at an actual scan clinic to confirm what we already knew.
Thankfully my OB was working at the  hospital the next day and had me booked in for surgery. It all went according to plan, and now I am just left feeling extremely down and waiting until the time is right to try again.
I know it was nothing we did (or didn't do), that these things happen and a large proportion of pregnancies end up miscarriage. But to be honest, it doesn't make it any easier.
I'm now on school holidays, so I am thankful that I am off work, but it is also really hard to keep my mind busy and distracted. Each day is dragging and I find my mind wandering back to last week/weekend and what could have been if I don't keep myself busy.
I feel very, very lost.
sigh.

Brain Dump

I'm going to attempt to write this brain dump entry before my sweet baby bug wakes up. Here goes...

• So, I'm approximately 9.5 pregnant. We have our first OB appointment on Friday and I am so excited, and utterly nervous! Our OB will check for the heart beat (fingers crossed tightly!), then she usually does a dating scan so we can lock in a 'due date'. I am currently estimating my due date will be around the 21st of April. Let's see how close I am! 

• Thankfully Hudson is getting better. We took him to the doctor last week after he had a nasty cough that wouldn't go away. Turns out it was bronchitis! He's now on antibiotics and doing so much better. No more night wake ups, and he's now waking closer to 6.30am instead of 5am (oh dear god! 5am!)
• Speaking of early mornings, I'd just like to say.. I am NOT a morning person. Repeat: NOT a morning person. My dear hubby bounds out of bed at 5.30am every morning and lets me sleep in a little longer while he gets ready for work and tends to Hudson. I really am very lucky!
• I'm officially on school holidays (vacation)! Yipeee! 2.5 weeks off. That being said, I still have a pile of marking to do and my Uni assessment tasks to work on (ugh!). But I'm grateful for the extra time I'll get to spend with Hudson and catching up with friends.
• Hubby and I are flying to LA in November to see family. We can't wait. But I am terrified of flying on a plane for 12-13 hours with an 18 month old. Dear God, please help me! I'll do another post later about our game plan for flying with an 18 month old!

Oh Dear.. my Baby is a Toddler!

So it becoming increasingly apparent that my precious little 15 month old 'baby' is in actual fact a 15 month old toddler. This dawned upon me this morning when after hubby closed the front door as he left for work, dear Hudson started screaming, crying, stomping his cute little legs and trying to pull the blinds down.. all because he didn't want his Daddy to leave.
 WHAT THE? My well behaved baby was in actual fact having a full blown Todder Tanty!
I was hoping to avoid this fate until he was at least, well who am I kidding, I was trying to avoid the tantrum throwing all together (wishful thinking!? Denial?), but alas I realised that babies don't throw tantrums, TODDLERS do..
Soooo, who do I turn to? Google of course! I think it's time to purchase a few Toddler taming type books in preparation for what lies ahead. Please, recommend me your favourites.
I also consulted my 'What to Expect When You're Expecting' The Toddler Years' book (I suppose the title should have been a give away that my baby is no longer a baby.. wah!) to find out Hudson's behaviour is indeed normal, with a few little hints and tips thrown in.

On another sore point for this morning, I had a beautiful spa morning planned for the school holidays. Dear Hubby bought be a mothers day package for this past mothers day. Anywho, I booked my appointment before I was pregnant, and thought I'd better check I could still use it. Nope. Unfortunately I cannot have the massage in my first trimester. To say I am disappointed is an understatement! Sigh!

Alright, my baby.. uhh.. I mean toddler has just woken from his nap! Time to get moving..

8 Weeks.. and the Drinking Illusion

Pregnancy Stats
Weeks Pregnant: 8 weeks, 2 days
Weight Gain: Nothing yet (phew!)

Current Symptoms: STILL feeling extremely nauseous and achy each afternoon. 

Food Cravings: Water and savoury food. I can't believe I'm not into chocolate any more- crazy!

Feeling: Tired, sick (I have a cold that won't go away!) and impatient.. hanging out for our first OB appointment & scan.. 1 week, 3 days to go :)

So, not too much has changed since last week in the pregnancy department. I'm still getting 'afternoon sickness'.. almost threw up at work yesterday which was fun ;-)
Everything is still hush hush. The only people that know about Sweetpea are my parents and my bestie. We will be waiting until after the 12 week scan to announce our news!

Speaking of keeping this pregnancy on the down low, Hubs and I had a wedding to go to on the weekend. It was a fellow teacher friends wedding, and we have a whole bunch of mutual friends. May I add, these mutual friends are extremely cluey and always speculating who is pregnant (teachers, huh!?). Anyway, so I knew this was going to be EXTREMELY difficult to keep under wraps.
The plan, draw attention away from myself, and 'pretend' to drink. I knew if I made up an excuse such as 'I'm sick' (which I was!), 'I'm on antibiotics' or something equally as lame, would just be a tell tale sign of pregnancy. So as to not arouse any suspicion, I went with the sneaky 'drinking illusion' approach. I know they say you can have a glass of wine or so when you're pregnant, but I'm not really into that- especially when I'm in the first trimester and reading about all these little organs and things developing!
Soo, I made sure I had a glass of champagne in front of me at all times. Occasionally I would hold it up to my lips and pretend to have a sip. When our table was distracted, my dear husband would guzzle a big gulp of champagne, so it would look like my glass was slowly emptying! Ha! Despite my stealth moves, a few times I got comments that I wasn't drinking much, or why didn't I have a drink etc. I blamed this on the fact that I had a cold. Overall, I am pretty sure I fooled them all. 
I can't wait to share our exciting news in another month!

7 Weeks Pregnant

I did these little updates for Hudson, so time to start with updates for our little sweetpea (baby #2's nickname)

Pregnancy Stats
Weeks Pregnant: 7 weeks
Weight Gain: No clue, I need to weigh myself tomorrow morning and check. Starting weight was 61kgs, so we'll see..

Current Symptoms: Feeling extremely nauseous each afternoon. I often have a dull ache in my stomach. Usually pretty lethargic in the afternoons.

Food Cravings: None yet, just lots and lots of water. Not loving sweet food so much any more.

Feeling: Excited and anxious for our first scan (which is in 2 weeks and 5 days- count down!!)

Today is fathers day. I made hubby banana pancakes with maple syrup for breakfast, Hudson gave him a painted wooden plane that he made at daycare and he also got gold class movie tickets, an enormous toblerone and a nice little tacky "#1 Dad" photo mug. We went out to lunch at a nice restaurant on the water with my family and had yummy fish and chips. The weather was perfect, Hudson was in a good mood considering he's getting 2 new molars and it was a great day.

That Second Line

Soooo, where do I start? Things have been pretty busy as of late. Our 15 month old small fry came down with a vomiting bug, poor thing. Then hubby caught it also, then I thought I was coming down with the same bug. I had major chills, felt really sick etc, but luckily the next day I felt fine.
Then the following Sunday morning hubby randomly suggests I do a pregnancy test because I'd had a super long cycle, and just to get the thought of being possibly pregnant out of all our our heads. To be honest, there was no way I thought I was pregnant, especially seeing as were going to be 'officially trying' next month. I do a cheapie pregnancy test I got off ebay. Not the best quality, but hey, I didn't want to waste a 'good' one seeing as I knew it would be negative. I pee on the stick, 30 seconds or so later 2 lines come up. The second line was quite faint, but there. To say I was shocked is an understatement. I think I stood there for a good minute with my mouth hanging open. 
I call hubs upstairs.. he's in almost as much shock as I. I tell him perhaps it's the bad quality test and I should do a good ol' First Response. Deep down, I did know there is a very slim chance of getting a 2nd line unless you're pregnant..
I muster up some more pee... almost instantly a dark second line shows. Oh.My.God!
I'm pregnant! I start crying because I'm in massive shock, but I'm smiling as well. 
We are extremely thrilled, but absolutely STUNNED. Like I said, we were planning on starting to try for #2 next month, so this little bean snuck in there just before.
As I look back on it, I just wasn't thinking I was pregnant, so I missed ALL the signs.. feeling dizzy- I attributed this to the fact I had started a new healthy eating plan and wasn't eating as much. The cramping  pains and sore boobs- I thought I was getting my period, the nausea- I thought I was getting sick.

Sooo, that's my big news! It's super early days so my fingers and toes are crossed that everything will be ok. I'm due in April next year, and we are soooo excited.

I'm Back! With a New Blog Name...

Yep, that's right folks. I'm back! With a new blog name. Because you guessed it, we're expecting baby #2!
All the details to come in the next post. Settle back and get ready for some reading, because I fully intend on updating a whole lot more (especially now that I have the blogger for iphone app!).
Thanks for sticking around!

What's Best for our Family.

Well, I think it's time for another post! I haven't written in here for quite some time, but thought it was time to do a little update.
Hubs and I have been umming and ahhing lately about when to start trying for a new addition to our little family. We've decided to hold off for a little while. While I am still ridicuously clucky, I know this is the best decision for our family!
I am currently doing my Masters, I haven't posted about that here. I'm halfway through my first semester and I am loving it. I had been thinking about it for a while. It will expand my career options and I know I have made a good choice!
I go back to work in July, just part time. However, I am not at all looking forward to it! I am going to miss my baby bug so much! Arghh. But again, I know this is the best choice for our family, financially. Once we have a second baby, we plan on me being able to take a lot more time off. So, in the long run, it is best for our family!
So many decisions to be made, but in the end I will always do what is best for our family.